Opening ceremony

Today I went to my school's autumn term opening ceremony. It was a fascinating microcosm of all the aspects of the Japanese education system, and the nation as a whole, that seem most twisted and alien to a western observer.

First, 3 students (a 1st year, a 2nd year and a 3rd year student) gave short speeches. They were all pretty much identical, and the gist was as follows:

"I have failed at pretty much everything I tried in the last school term. In maths, I tried hard but I just couldn't understand it. In English I didn't try at all, and am consequently rubbish. When I played baseball I let down the whole team with my poor skills and work ethic. I won the running competition but I could have run faster. In Japanese class, I .............. In conclusion, I should try harder next term but I probably won't. If I don't try harder, please punish me."

Then the headmaster got on stage and said, "Thank you for those speeches. I didn't think much of the 1st or 2nd year students' speeches, but the 3rd year's was good. All 1st and 2nd years take note: in the future you should write speeches like her."

Then they had the prize-giving ceremony.

Note: this is all based on my rather shaky translation, and of course I was exaggerating. Also I hope it doesn't sound too bitter - I just thought it was interesting.